


You are the resolution

by freakgeeknation



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 21:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakgeeknation/pseuds/freakgeeknation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different take on Dean and Castiel's reunion in Season 8</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are the resolution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gothclark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/gifts).



> GothClark asked for "Dean realizes how he feels about Castiel." I mixed that in with a little season 8 reunion angst and this developed. Merry Xmas! I hope you enjoy it!!!!  
> Lyrics taken from "No light, no light" by Florence and the Machine.

_You are the hole in my head; you are the space in my bed. You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said…._

 

The leather is cold. Condensation from his hot breathe creates a fine film on the windows. He finds this quite interesting because he’s pretty sure he hasn’t been actually breathing for months. 

Dean wraps his callused hands around the steering wheel and closes his eyes. The back of his neck rests against the seat and visions of gentle blue eyes invades him. His eyes reopen with a start. 

He can’t sleep. And he’s sure that those blue eyes are the reason he hasn’t been breathing either. 

 

_You are the night time fear; You are the morning when it's clear. When it's over you'll start; You're my head, You're my heart…_

 

Sam’s worried. Every time Dean takes a drive like this he gives him that _look_. The look of worry and confusion. But deep down Dean knows Sam isn’t completely clueless as to what’s going on inside his head. He knows he escaped purgatory. 

And Sam knows who wasn’t at Dean’s side when he hitched his ride out.

Dean slams his open palm against the steering wheel causing his hand and wrist to burst into a violent ache. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about much these days. The disturbance he should be feeling deep inside him about Sam’s lack of interest in trying to find him this past year doesn’t hold a flicker of a candle to the disturbance he has deep inside himself that he left the one person he vowed to save. The person who saw him. _Really_ saw him. Deeper than Sam or Bobby ever could. And that’s a disturbance all on its own.

 

_Through the crowd, I was crying out and in your place there were a thousand other faces. I was disappearing in plain sight; Heaven help me, I need to make it right…_

 

He lost him. His hand. He just…lost him. Dean tried to hold on to for dear life. For his life. He needed to just hold on to something. And he couldn’t. As the portal closed so did his heart. 

Dean’s screamed for any angel who might be listening. He even begged Benny for help. 

But no one could. Cas was gone. 

And it was all his fault. 

Heaven wasn’t listening. 

And every time Sam asked what was wrong, Dean wanted to scream till his voice just gave out. Scream that Sam knew EXACTLY what was wrong. Who wasn’t here. Who wasn’t with Dean. Who Dean, yet again, didn’t save. 

He owed Cas that much.

And so much more. 

The trees surrounding the Impala begin to sway in a way only Dean would know what it meant. The radio begins to cut in and out and the headlights that had been illuminating out into nothing also begin to flicker. 

Dean is sure his heart stops beating for a moment. He closes his eyes and says one last prayer. 

 

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes; I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day; You can't choose what stays and what fades away…_

 

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean refuses to open his eyes. He’s heard that voice so many times in his dreams that he’s terrified if he opens them, it would in fact be another torturous dream. But somehow this feels different. His skin his humming. And the warmth.

It’s the warmest he’s felt in months. 

So he doesn’t. And when soft yet worn fingers slide over his white knuckles still wrapped around the steering wheel, Dean lets out a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. 

“Dean…” He hears it again and a lump forms in his dry throat. He still doesn’t open his eyes.

“Don’t…” Dean begs. “No more. I honestly can’t fucking take it.”

He hears a soft huff of what he perceives as laughter. 

“I promise you my friend, this is real.”

Even in the darkness, Dean would know those eyes anywhere. His green eyes fall upon the blue and make a color all their own. He wants to smile. Cry. Laugh. Scream. But instead he remains silent, so many questions lingering in the cold of night. 

Cas nods and says his name again. Dean cringes. Cas gives him a small smile. He’s dirty. Scruffy. And he smells. Like blood and guilt. 

“You look well.” Cas continues. 

It’s Dean’s turn to huff out laughter. 

“You do.” Cas reassures him.

Dean remains silent. Still scared to make any movement or sound. It could still all be a trick.

“I’m sure you have questions.” Cas turns and looks out the windshield into the night. “But I assure you I have no answers.”

Dean finally let’s go of the steering wheel and reaches his cold fingers out toward Cas’s face. He brushes the rough beard overgrown on Castiel’s cheeks and stifles a soft gulp from deep inside his throat. Castiel’s eyes slide closed and he sighs ever so softly.

“Dean…” His voice is soft like silk but it pierces into Dean’s chest like the many of knives he’s endured in his lifetime. 

“I tried, Cas. I did…I…”

“Shhh.” Cas reaches up, grabbing Dean’s hand against his cheek. “No blame falls on you. Not this time. Not anytime.”

Dean wraps his fingers in Cas’s and brings the back of his hand to his mouth. He mumbles things against the Angel’s skin he hasn’t been able to say out loud. Things he feels. Things he regrets. Things he shouldn’t know. 

“Just tell me you’re alright.” Dean begs. 

 

_And I'd do anything to make you stay…_

 

“I’m alright.” Castiel assures him. “Dirty. But physically, yes.”

Without anymore hesitation, Dean turns in the leather seating of the Impala pulling Castiel toward him. One arm goes around his waist as his hand reaches up to cup the greasy hair on his head. Dean breathes him in. The familiar scent of purgatory still on Castiel’s coat. 

“Dean…” Castiel whispers. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere again. That is, if you want me to stay.”

 

_I was disappearing in plain sight; Heaven help me I need to make it right…_

 

  
Dean presses his fingers harder into Castiel’s neck. His lips find the skin on his cheeks; kissing it with closed lips over and over. He doesn’t know who he is right now. He doesn’t feel like himself. 

But in another way he’s never felt more alive.

“If you…leave me again, I…” 

Castiel moves his face quickly; capturing Dean’s pursed lips to silence him. 

Dean’s legs are aching from the position he is turned but all he can feel is the shaking of his hands and hammering of his heart as he feels Cas’s lips on his for the first time. It’s cold out, but the sweat forming underneath his clothes pays no mind to cold Vermont December air in this moment. 

He’s on fire. 

Dean opens his mouth, sliding his tongue out ever so gently. It caresses the tip of Cas’s tongue and they both let out a soft sigh in unison. Castiel’s fingers hold the sides of Dean’s face as he deepens the kiss. 

“Are you comfortable?” Castiel whispers in between the air. Dean almost smirks. 

“I mean physically.” Castiel continues. 

“I’ve survived worse for less, Cas.” Dean tells him. 

“Where is your hotel from here?” Castiel asks; a look of innocence and a glimmer of fear in his eyes. 

Dean blinks. “Not far. But Sam…”

Castiel nods, pressing his lips again to Dean’s. “I understand.”

Dean feels the heat again rise on his skin and he pulls back abruptly, revving the engine and slamming the gear into drive. “Fuck it.”

 

  
_You want a revelation; Some kind of resolution. You are the revelation…_

 

Soiled clothes make a path way to reunited souls on an unmade bed in a hotel room miles from anywhere. Callused fingers tips graze over stubbled cheeks as post climatic bliss overtakes the air. Castiel’s chapped lips brush Dean’s chin and the hunter sighs softly. 

“You alright?” 

Castiel brushes his cheek against where he just kissed him. “I’m content. Yes.”

Dean smirks; realizing he may never get used to Cas’s way of speaking. “Are you staying?”

Castiel pulls back, his bare legs brushing and entangling in Dean’s. “Where would I go?”

Dean purses his lips and shrugs. “Heaven? Who knows? Don’t you have work to do?”

Castiel’s expression darkens. “I’ve done enough. I will not be returning to heaven.”

Dean nods, knowing there is more. Something deeper Castiel isn’t telling him. Be he won’t press. Not tonight. “Then what will you do?”

Castiel buries his head against Dean’s chest. Dean’s heart heavies and he wraps his strong arms around the angels frail body. He still smells like purgatory but Dean’s own scent is starting to rub off on him and for now the stench of what they went through wasn’t so potent. Dean’s lips breathe over Castiel’s forehead and he finally answers. 

“What I’ve always done. Be with you.”


End file.
